Fridays Freaky Fatwa-- The importance of women and you can't come in

A Muslim asks a scholar
I met a nice Muslim man but he is married we live in a country that does not recognise 2nd wife. How can I marry him? Also I wonder about why men can have more wifes than women have husbands? Thank you for your answer

And the scholar replies
Praise be to Allah
Bukhaari from Ibn ‘Abbaas says, The best of this ummah are those who have most wives. The Prophet practiced plural marriage, as did the Rightly-Guided Caliphs. There is scholarly consensus on this matter. The sister who is asking this question could marry this man in the presence of her wali (guardian) and two witnesses, and announce the marriage, so as to fulfill the necessary conditions of marriage. It is not essential for that to be registered officially. It is also not necessary for the first wife to know.
He should have said, it’s safer for the first wife not to know.
This guy is also telling a lie, as the Quran says not to marry in secret.
Quran 2:235 ‘…But do not make a secret contract with them…’ No secret wives!!

There is no point in giving a woman the right to marry multiple husbands, rather that is beneath her dignity (translation, Sharia men have no dignity..and they brag about it) and she would not know the lineage of her children, (a DNA test would fix that) because she is the one who bears the offspring, and it is not permissible for the offspring to be formed from the sperm of a number of men (now you know why they come to the west for medical training) lest the lineage of the child be lost and no one will know who is responsible for bringing up the child;(no one will know?) this will lead to breakdown of families, loss of ties between fathers and children, which is not permitted in Islam as it is not in the interests of the woman or of the child or of society as a whole.
There is actually nothing in the Quran that forbids females from marrying more than one husband.

Statistics show that the number of women is greater than the number of men; if each man were to marry just one woman, this would mean that some women would be left without a husband, which would have a harmful effect on her and on society.
Not if they allowed women to work without having to breastfeed a coworker 5 times

Plural marriage helps to increase the numbers of the ummah (Muslim community). It is known that the numbers can only be increased through marriage, and the number of offspring gained through plural marriage will be greater than that achieved through marriage to one wife.
Do the math. One husband, 4 wives, maybe a total of 8 kids. How is he going to support them? Better for a woman to have 4 husbands all providing child support…and Mom gets weekends off.

Wise people know that increasing the number of offspring will strengthen the ummah and increase the number of workers in it, which will raise its economic standard – if the leaders run the affairs of state well and make use of its resources in a proper manner. Ignore the claims of those who say that increasing the numbers of human beings poses a danger to the earth’s resources which are insufficient, for Allaah the Most Wise Who has prescribed plural marriage has guaranteed to provide provision for His slaves and has created on earth what is more than sufficient for them.
Wiser people know that children raised in poverty do not insure prosperity. It does seem to insure poverty.
And Allah was hoping the male ummah would marry widowed women with children.

A wife may be barren, or she may not meet her husband’s needs, or he may be unable to have intercourse with her because she is sick. A husband may long to have children, which is a legitimate desire, and he may want to have a sex life within marriage, which is something permissible, and the only way is to marry another wife. It is only fair for the wife to agree to remain his wife and to allow him to marry another.
And the man might be impotent. He might be lousy in the sack but a good provider. It’s only fair that she be allowed to marry another so she can have kids or an orgasm..or both. What else can they do they do with the sexually challenged husbands? Chop their heads off? Better to let her marry more than one.

A woman may be one of the man’s relatives and have no one to look after her, and she is unmarried or a widow whose husband has died, and the man may think that the best thing to do for her is to include her in his household as a wife along with his first wife, so that he will both keep her chaste and spend on her. This is better for her than leaving her alone and being content only to spend on her.
Yes, a Sharia man might think that, but it doesn’t make it right or fair. Write her a check and look in on her. Trading sex for a roof over her head isn’t the best way to show da looove. The Quran doesn’t say everyone has to marry.

There are other Sharia interests that call for plural marriages, such as strengthening the bonds between families, or strengthening the bonds between a leader and some of his people or group, and he may think that one of the ways of achieving this aim is to become related to them through marriage, even if that is through plural marriage.
Or he could just try and get along with everyone without having to trade a vagina for peace…or a piece. But as the words say…Sharia interests, not Quran.
For those of you who don’t know, the Sharia nikkah marriage contract is an exchange of money by the male for the use of the brides vajayjay. He can have 4. If she’s granted a divorce, she has to buy it back.

A woman menstruates each month, and when she gives birth, she bleeds for forty days (this post-partum bleeding is called nifaas in Arabic), at which time a man cannot have intercourse with his wife, because intercourse at the time of menstruation or nifaas is forbidden, and the harm that it causes has been proven medically.
Sharia men are taught that they can’t go 7 days without sex. Or 40 days after she’s near died giving him offspring.
Poor men. If they point they must follow.
Btw, sex during menstruation is not harmful. The Quran does say not to annoy her when she is menstruating. I’m thinking it's because a woman killed her husband but I can’t find a Hadith to prove it.

So plural marriage is permitted when one is able to be fair and just. There are some men who may have strong physical desires, for whom one wife is not enough. If the door is closed to such a man and he is told, you are not allowed more than one wife, this will cause great hardship to him, and his desire may find outlets in forbidden ways.
Translation, plural marriage is permitted so long as the husband decides what is fair and just. And there are women who have strong physical desires for whom one husband is not enough, this will cause great hardship on her.
And this is not one of the reasons Allah permitted polygamy. It was to marry and take care of widowed women and….orphans, but only orphan girls.

Men are exposed to incidents that may end their lives, for they work in dangerous professions. They are the soldiers who fight in battle, and more men may die than women. This is one of the things that raise the percentage of husbandless women, and the only solution to this problem is plural marriage.
Sounds like their only profession is war. Why not open up a nice restaurant, they’d live longer.

Bet ya can guess why all Sharia scholars are men, huh?

A Muslim asks a scholar
If a woman is killed as a martyr for the sake of Allaah, how does the hadeeth “The shaheed will be married to seventy-two hoor al-‘iyn” (virgins) apply to her?

And the scholar replies
Praise be to Allaah.
We put this question to Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen, who answered as follows:
This number is only for men. A woman will have only one husband in Paradise, and she will be satisfied with him and will not need any more than that.
The Muslim woman – who is not influenced by the claims of those who propagate permissiveness and knows that she is not like men in her make-up and nature, because Allaah has made her like that – does not object to the rulings of Allaah or feel angry.
Rather she accepts what Allaah has decreed for her. Her sound nature tells her that she cannot live with more than one man at a time. So long as she has entered Paradise, she will have all that she desires, so she should not dispute now about the delights and rewards that her Lord has chosen for her, for your Lord does not treat anyone unjustly. If she is one of the people of Paradise, then she is included, like men, in the words of Allah:
43:71 “Trays of gold and cups will be passed round them; (there will be) therein all that inner-selves could desire, and all that eyes could delight in and you will abide therein forever”
The same husband—forever--- and lots of cups…..wha-hooo
And no virgins, I guess that’s a plus.

Please memorize this next one…please?!

A Muslim asks a scholar

A man has become Muslim and he loves Islam and its people…’ But he has stayed in his country. It is too hard for him to leave. Is this permissible?..’

And the scholar answers…and pay attention to the answer!!!

Praise be to Allah.
Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen said:

It is haraam for this man to stay in this land, and he must migrate. If he does not do that then let him await the punishment of Allah, as Allah says;

Quran 4:97 “Verily, as for those whom the angels take (in death) while they are wronging themselves (as they stayed among the disbelievers even though emigration was obligatory for them), they (angels) say (to them): ‘In what (condition) were you?’ They reply: ‘We were weak and oppressed on the earth.’ They (angels) say: ‘Was not the earth of Allaah spacious enough for you to emigrate therein?’ Such men will find their abode in Hell — what an evil destination!

If this man is able to migrate, then he must migrate to a Muslim country, then the love of the country from which he migrated will disappear from him heart and he will come to love the Muslim land. But if he cannot leave a land that is fighting Islam and its people just because it is his first homeland, this is haraam and it is not permissible for him to stay there. Majmoo’ Fataawa Ibn ‘Uthaymeen
Well right on, Majmoo. Finally an answer that is backed up by the Quran!

This is one of the most important ayat’s in the Quran… to protect the Christians and the Jews.

This is also Sharia law, it’s Hadith, its scholars advice, it’s Quran!!

If a Sharia Muslim wants to enter a Non Muslim country, we should tell them....gee, we'd really like to let you in, but we don't want you to go to hell.
pass it on :D

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Az Zaqqum Islamic scholar for the Infidel

Friday's Freaky Fatwa-- --Holy Crap

A Muslim asks a scholar

Are we alone when in the bathroom? Can there be Jinn in with us? If so, what steps do we need to take to protect our modesty?

And the scholar replies
Praise be to Allah.
It is known that the jinn can see people, but people cannot see the jinn.
Becausethey like to frequent the places where humans relieve themselves, and they want to do them harm.

The Prophet has told us what we should do so that Allaah will protect us from the evil when we enter the toilet. That is that before entering the place, the Muslim should say, O Allaah, I seek refuge with You from evil and from the male and female devils.” If the Muslim says this du’aa’ before entering the toilet, Allah will grant him refuge from the devils. The benefit of saying Bismillaah is that it conceals a person.

The Messenger of Allah said: “A screen will be placed between the eyes of the jinn and the ‘awrah of the sons of Adam when one of them enters the toilet, if he says that it includes the “water closets” that are in people’s houses.

Good ways and bad ways of using the toilet.

It is good if a person sits at a place where no one would see him, and enters the toilet with his left foot forward, and comes out with his right foot. It is also good to cover one's head, and to place one's weight on the left foot.

It is bad to face the sun, or the moon, while relieving oneself. But if a person manages to cover his private parts, it will not be bad.

It is also bad to sit facing the wind; or on the road side, or in lanes, or in front of a doors of a house or under the shade of the fruit-yielding tree.

It is also bad to eat while relieving oneself, or take longer than usual time, or to wash oneself with the right hand. Talking is also bad unless necessary. To utter words remembering Allah is not bad.
Like, thanks for the poo?

It is bad to urinate while standing, or on hard earth, or in the burrows of the animals, or in stationery water.
Squat over mud and look out for animals. Got it.

If a person sits in the toilet with the front part of his body or the back facing the Qibla, (Mecca) but turns the private parts away from that direction, it will not be enough. Similarly, when the front part of the body or the back does not face Qibla, as a precaution, he should not allow the private parts to face that direction.
Better bring a compass.

The recommended precaution is that one should not face the Qibla (Mecca) or have one's back towards it at the time of Istibra, (urinating) or when cleaning yourself after using the toilet.

Afterwards. the area between the anus and the root of penis should be pressed three times with the middle finger of the left hand. Put the thumb on the penis, and the forefinger below it and press three times up to the point of circumcision, then jerk your penis three times.
Damn! Who knew going to the bathroom was so complicated?

If you are forced to sit facing the Qibla, or with his back towards it, so as to avoid somebody looking at him, or if it is not possible to do so, or when there is an unavoidable reason for sitting that way, it is permissible to do so.
Don't ask, don't tell

It is mentioned in a Hadith that Muhammad said, ‘The barrier between humans and Jinns is when one intends entering the bathroom, he should recite ‘Allaahumma inniy a’oodhu bika minal khubuth wal khabaaith.’
If you read this du’aa before entering the bathroom, then you do not have to worry about the presence of Jinns.

Enter with your left foot and say; O Allah, I seek Your Protection from the male and female devilWhen you leave, use your right foot and say; I Seek Your Pardon. Praise be to Allah who removed from me discomfort and gave me relief.
This is not a joke

It is bad to suppress or constrain one's urge for urine or excretion, and if it is injurious to one's health, it becomes forbidden.
So, just let it go. Allah Akbar!

These are just a few, lots more toilet issues in my Ebook :D

A Muslim asks a scholar
What is the proper conduct for a widow? What are the things that a woman should not do during the mourning period?

And the scholar replies

Praise be to Allaah.

It is forbidden for a woman at the time of mourning to do the following:
To go out of her house, except for a necessary purpose, such as if she is sick and needs to go to the hospital, in which case she should go during the day;
or in the case of emergencies such as if her house is about to fall down and there is the fear that it may collapse on top of her; or in the case of fire; and so on.
Quit laughing...there's more

She should not wear beautiful clothes that are considered to be adornments. She should not wear any jewellery, because if she is forbidden to wear beautiful clothes, it is more appropriate that jewellery should not be allowed.
Get your ugly on with a dirty burqa

She should not put on kohl (eyeliner). If she needs to use it, she should use the kind of kohl whose colour is not obvious, putting it on at night and removing it during the day.
Put your make up on before you go to bed. Of course that makes sense.

It is permissible to go out onto the roof of the house during the night and during the day.
...then jump off.
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Fridays Freaky Fatwa--Because Allah said so

I am issuing a fatwa to all Muslims who call Allah a liar. The Quran is clear, Israel belongs to the Jews. As an Islamic scholar I have had to debate the foolish unbelieving Muslims who hate Israel for no reason other than bad Hadith… and not being able to read the Quran in Arabic. You need to get over your bad Hadith and start treating your elder Israelis with the same respect that Allah has for them.

This week you were conspiring-- to cause mischief -- both of which are forbidden by Allah. You were not fighting in the way of Allah; you were fighting with the believers, the Jews. And whosoever of you does that, then indeed he has gone astray from the straight path. 60:1
And whoever does that, will never be helped by Allah in any way
O you who believe! Take not for friends disbelievers instead of believers. Do you wish to offer Allah a manifest proof against yourselves 4:144

O Muslims, did you not learn anything from the 6 day war?

You can pretend the land was stolen from the Palestinians but who owned your land a thousand years ago? Land is often lost through war. If the believers didn’t help the Muslims of Kuwait, it would have been conquered by the unbelievers and they would have lost their land.

You can pretend the land was given to the Jews illegally by the U.N. but nothing happens without Allah’s will. And Allah is upset that you treat your elder Israeli believers without charity and good will. Allah is also upset that the Islamic countries surrounding Palestine will not take the Palestinians into their countries. They prefer that the Palestinians die.

O Believers and Infidels, it will be up to you to tell the unbelieving Muslims about the will of Allah. You can start with the following…

3:78 There is among them a section who distort the Book with their tongues: you would think it is a part of the Book, but it is no part of the Book; and they say, "That is from Allah," but it is not from Allah. It is they who tell a lie against Allah, and they know it!
Denying that Allah gave the land to the Jews not only distorts the book but they tell a lie against Allah.

7:137 And We caused the folk who were devised to inherit the eastern parts of the land and the western parts thereof which We had blessed. And the fair word of the Lord was fulfilled for the Children of Israel because of their endurance; and We annihilated all that Pharaoh and his folk had done and that they had contrived.
Allah knew of the Pharaoh, but never heard of a Palestinian. But the land was given to the Jews. No land was ever given to Muslims.

2:122 O Children of Israel! call to mind the special favour which I bestowed upon you, and that I preferred you to all others for My Message.

2:40 O Children of Israel! Remember My favor where with I favored you, and fulfill your part of the covenant, I shall fulfill My part of the covenant and fear Me

2.47 Children of Israel! call to mind the special favour which I bestowed upon you, and that I preferred you to all other for My Message.

Yes, it is redundant, but they still don't get it

2:62 Those who believe (in the Qur'an), and those who follow the Jewish scriptures, and the Christians and the Sabaeans,- any who believe in Allah and the Last Day, and work righteousness, shall have their reward with their Lord; on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve
Allah is the Arabic word for God. I don’t know who the Sabaeans are, so far, none of them are in the hellfire. The Jews believe in one G-d. They are believers. They have shown no fear.

35:18 And no burdened soul can bear another's burden, and if one heavy laden crieth for help with his load, naught of it will be lifted even though he unto whom he crieth be of kin. Thou warnest only those who fear their Lord in secret, and have established worship. He who groweth in goodness, groweth only for himself, he cannot by his merit redeem others. Unto Allah is the journeying
This message is clear. Disbelieving Muslims in Turkey, France, America or anywhere else, need to stop making Palestine a religious justification for violence or mischief. It’s not your burden to feel their pain; it is your job to tell them the truth. Live in peace with the Jews. This is Allah’s will.

It's Friday. You have to laugh on Fridays.

A Muslims asks a scholar

Can a woman go to the mosque?

And the scholar answers;

It is better that she pray at home but it is not forbidden for her to go to a mosque.

Abu Huraira said the prophet said: “Do not prevent the female servants of Allah from going to the mosques of Allah, but let them go out looking scruffy.”

That cracked me up. Sorry, you can’t go out, you’re not scruffy enough… put some dirt on that burka.
And I’m thinking that Muhammad might not have fed Abu that day.
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