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Friday Freaky Fatwa--Sexy sex and worms


A Muslim asks a scholar

Is it permissible for a married couple to use certain objects (like sex toys) in their sexual relations?  Please include any possible difference between the individual usage and the usage by the couple together

And the scholar replies

It is not permissible for a man or a woman to use sexual toys, because this is considered as masturbation, and worse than masturbation.
As the Quran actually has no ruling on this; I’m thinking a wife replaced her mullah with The Rabbit. 

And it is not permissible at all to buy or sell these toys, because it is a way of helping in forbidden things.
Allah Says (interpretation of meaning) 5:2 ‘..but do not help one another in sin and transgression….
Hmmm…that verse is about the sacred mosque.  Doubt anyone would sell sex toys at the sacred mosque.

If these toys represent or contain a picture (photographs) of living beings, they are forbidden, as they are statues.
No, a picture is not a statue and neither are forbidden…you’re not going to worship the people on the box, right?......right!

So, this ruling applies to using sex toys to achieve ejaculation. If they are used for other purposes, we cannot give a ruling until we know the details.
Don’t give them the details!

And Allah knows best

A Muslim asks a scholar

Is kissing, licking wife's feet or any other female's feet is halal?

And the scholar replies

It is permissible for a husband to kiss his wife’s foot as a way of foreplay, but he should not lick it as there is no need for doing so because this may lead to harm.
They’re afraid she might kick him in the face.  I wonder if that happened to the scholar…..hmmm

As regards doing so with other women, then it is not permissible to kiss their feet or touch any part of their body.
Lower gaze, but if the feet of a female get you excited, raise your gaze…or wear a one eyed burqa.

Allah Knows best

A Muslim asks a scholar
My husband happens to be attracted to feet. He likes to kiss my feet and have me step on him, I have no problem with this. However recently he asked me to step on him wearing high heels, I don’t find this normal, and worry if he may be hurt. Although painful i think, he seems to be fine with it. I try not to say no to his needs, What shall I do. Thank you.

And the scholar replies


We have decided it is permissible for a husband to kiss the feet of his wife as a way of foreplay.
Yep, we just read that fatwa.
As regards stepping on your husband with your feet while wearing shoes, then this is against the proper manners and it contradicts the Fitrah (natural disposition upon which Allah created mankind).
I need to get a copy of those proper manners…
It is known in the customs of the people that such an act is for humiliating the person in addition to the harm that this may cause to your husband.
But maybe he likes the ‘customs of the people’.
Therefore, you are not obligated to obey him in this regard, and if this act causes harm to him, then it is even more confirmed that you do not have to obey him. Indeed, it is confirmed that a Hadith of the Prophet said: “There should be no harm nor reciprocal harm.
I don’t think that this is what the prophet had in mind..
Bukhari said that someone said, that someone heard that Muhammad (might have said); ‘Verily, obedience should be only in what is permissible.’ Indeed, this conduct cannot be considered permissible’.
But the scholars didn’t put forth any evidence to prove this is not permissible.  They should have given her advice on how to keep her balance while standing on her husband in high heels.  That way she won’t get harmed.
Allah Knows best.
Oh, they don't believe that..
A Muslim asks a scholar
Kindly help me to resolve this problem. If worms (thread-worm) exits from the alimentary canal (anus) from a person when in state of wudu, does his wudu becomes null and void?

And the scholar replies


The scholars differed in opinion in regard to worms which come out of one’s anus.
Seriously??

The majority of the scholars are of the view that ablution (the mandatory washing of oneself before each prayer, also called ‘wudu’) becomes void if worms come out of one’s anus.
I think wudu would be the last thing on my mind if worms were coming out of my butt!

In addition to this, (all of these guys) ‘Attaa’, Al-Hassan, Abu Mijlaz, Al-Hakam, Hammaad, Al-Awzaa’i and Ibn Al-Mubaarak are of the view that ablution is obligatory if blood, worms, stones, and hair come out of the anus.
Stones and hair???....coming out of the anus??  EEEEEEK!!!

However, the Maaliki School is of the view that it does not invalidate ablution due to this kind (worms), because it is rare and it resembles what comes out of other parts of the body other than the private parts.
How can it be both ‘rare’ and at the same time ‘resemble what comes out of the other parts’?  I have never coughed up a hair ball.  I have never sneezed out a stone. 

The scholars view is, if it comes out from the anus and it resembles the pre-seminal fluid
Ok guys, does your seminal fluid look like worms?
and it is rarely free from an impurity that is attached to it, so ablution becomes void due to the worms.
holy wormy crap!!

 As the Prophet ordered the woman who is in a state of bleeding outside her monthly periods to perform ablution for every prayer although her bleeding is not regular.”
Nope, that is definitely not the same as butt worms

To conclude, your ablution is invalidated due to worms coming out of your anus.
To conclude, if you have worms, stones or hair coming out of your anus -- sees a doctor!
And for the record, the Quran only asks that you;


5:6 O you who believe! when you prepare for prayer, wash your faces, and your hands to the elbows; Rub your heads with water; and wash your feet to the ankles. If you are in a state of ceremonial impurity, bathe your whole body...'

17:110 Say: "Call upon Allah, God, or call upon Rahman: by whatever name ye call upon Him, it is well: for to Him belong the Most Beautiful Names. Neither speak thy Prayer aloud, nor speak it in a low tone, but seek a middle course between."
That verse isn’t used as often as it should be, pass it on

Allah Knows best
and these scholars are assholes

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