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A Fresh Friday Freaky Fatwa --From Saudi Arabia

Straight from Saudi Arabia, the land of Muhammad---if he wasn’t already dead---he would probably die of embarrassment…or laughter, whatever.

Here are several official fatwas, from the frightened voice of Saudi Arabia's ultraconservative Wahhabi sect of Islam.

These serious questions were sent by Saudis seeking advice so they won’t be arrested for acting like humans. Now, before you say; how stupid! Remember that in the land that originated Peace and Tolerance, religious police roam around in search of anyone breaking a fatwa. Fatwas are fast and freaky. Ignorance is no excuse for not knowing about the latest fatwa..

A Muslim asks a scholar about….

Taking flowers to the sick and injured:

"This practice is impermissible as it entails wasting money on non-useful purposes and imitating Allah's adversaries in this custom."
Well that’s sick. Allah is most happy when humans are kind and give in charity. Giving flowers is considered charity of the soul. Allah created flowers to bring joy.

Now what about this crap of imitating Allah adversaries? It’s obvious this fatwa scholar is referring to the west who often gives flowers to the sick and injured. Could it be that the scholars are afraid the west can cause injury to Allah? Seriously?

Ok, let’s say that it’s true. One thing is for certain, there would be a few westerners who would bring flowers to Allah if ‘he’ was injured after ‘he’ got ‘his’ ass kicked.

Next….what is the rulings on…

Going to the Movies…translation…Moving Picture shows:

"It is not permissible for a Muslim to build a cinema, or run it for himself or for another person, due to the forbidden kinds of amusement it provides. As shown today around the globe, it presents obscene scenes and images that provoke desires and promote lewdness and immorality. Furthermore, it helps women mix with men who are not Mahram (spouse or unmarriageable relatives)."
I suggest the scholars stop going to see porno shows. There are many good movies available and some great animation cartoons---that do not depict Muhammad---and are good for children. This fatwa, just like the one above is not based on Quran or even on Hadith. They just pulled it out of their asses.

Mixing men and women….not mixing them causes the men to think that hair is a genital. Maybe they could show movies on how the human reproductive systems work. Just a thought.

The next question is on..

Swimming Pools:

"The mingling of boys and girls in studying is Haram (prohibited). The same applies to showering and swimming while naked (or semi naked) in a swimming pool, whether they are young or old, for the Fitnah (sedition) occurring due to this, and for seeing each others' 'Awrah' (private parts of the body that must be covered in public), this is also considered a means to mischief and evil."

That first part cracked me up. I’ve not seen many co-ed showers in the US. But if there were, I’m sure both sexes would be ‘studying’ each other.

In Saudi all of a woman is considered ‘awrah’ and her elbows can cause much mischief in men as they also believe it is a genital. I think that’s evil…and stupid. And I feel sorry for the bride on her first wedded morning. Sore elbows and frizzy hair.

Next question deals with…

Relations With Non-Muslims:…..anything new and improved?

"A Muslim should not begin greeting the non-Muslims. However, when the Jews, Christians, or others offer Salam (greetings), he should reply "Wa 'Alaykum" (the same to you)

How would they know who was a Jew or a Christian? And, if a Christian says, hello and the Muslims replies, wa alyakum…would the Christian understand it? I bet this scholar never leaves his cave. Moving on..

These are some of the rights the non-Muslims have on Muslims. This also includes the right of being a good neighbor. You must not harm your non-Muslim neighbors. You should give them charity if they are needy."
Wow…good one! Based on the Quran, too!

"It is not permissible for a Muslim to follow the funeral of a Kafir (disbeliever), for this is considered an act of loyalty to them which is Haram (prohibited). However, consoling them is acceptable."
Yeah crap. NOT from the Quran. It’s from his toilet. Obviously the Jinn didn’t eat his poo.

"Relationships based on mutual affection, love and brotherhood between a Muslim and a Kafir are prohibited. It might render a Muslim as a Kafir. There is nothing wrong, however, if the kind of relationship developed between the Muslim and Kafir does not go beyond selling and buying or accepting the Kafir's invitation to have lawful food with him or accepting a lawful present, provided that no harm is done to the Muslim's faith."

Maybe he’s retarded. 2 paragraphs up he was saying to be a good neighbor. Maybe he’s referring to pagan farmers, as kafir is a farming word which means to cover. Either way, he has no faith in Muslims. Lunch at Mickee Dee’s and they’ll convert.

The Prophet said, "The most sinful person among the Muslims is the one who asked about something which had not been prohibited, but was prohibited because of his asking." And then the Divine verse: 'O you who believe! Ask not questions about things..(5.101)

The Prophet said, "The most sinful person among the Muslims is the one who asked about something which had not been prohibited, but was prohibited because of his asking."

Obviously they asked way too many questions

The west is scaring the dresses off of these (fake-ass) scholars. Thank Allah for technology…and Al Gore for the internet
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