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I am the Az Zaqqum

I am the Az Zaqqum. I am the bitter tree from hell. It will be from the fruit of my tree that I will feed the dwellers of the hellfire…if I feel like it.

The Quran says the hellfire will be filled with Muslim men and Jinn. And they need to eat.

My name comes from the Quran as it can’t be found anywhere else. Muhammad saw me when he was flying on a strange donkey up to the heavens. He thought I was scary. I thought the donkey was scary.

I was created because of bad Muslim fathers who took the wrong path and their sons have been following in their footsteps.

Freaky Fatwa’s, mad Mullah, Imams with mamma issues. It’s bad. It’s all bad. And I’m not going to have enough fruit. Something had to be done.

After much discussion and thought, I have been ordained by the Jinn and Khadija to become the first Islamic Scholar for the Infidel. 

It's true.  I really am an Islamic Scholar...for the Infidel.  I believe every Non Muslim country needs one.  And as most Muslim countries are a mess maybe they need one even more.

You will never win a debate with a radical Muslim using logic or your laws. You can only win by using their own texts against them (and do try hard not laugh).

When a radical Muslim is demanding special rights, saying they feel oppressed living with the Infidels, you can remind them that the Quran tells them to move to a Muslim country, or go to hell. 4;97

The Hadith (stories of Muhammad) of Bukhari says that hell will be filled with women. But the Quran says;

11:119 “I will fill Hell with Jinns and men all together."

Much of the troubles we see today are due to the Hadiths of Bukhari
It’s almost his feeding time.

Eventually everyone in the hellfire gets hungry. They say the fruit of my tree is pungent and caustic and tastes like molten brass or scalding water. What do they expect; I’m a tree not a chef. Never the less, the dwellers of the hellfire drink it like diseased camels raging so it can’t be all that bad.

For entertainment, I can curse the cursed, though I’m not quite sure what the point of that is, but I can do it. I am all that is disagreeable. I am an ordeal.

And as my attributes already boast of my caustic and disagreeable nature, don’t expect me to be politically correct, just correct.

And to get rid of this fear of fatwa-itis, it should come as no surprise that the information I give to you will be in the first book ever written on The Humor of Islam…you’ll die laughing. The title is a twist on a Sharia law that forbids laughing too much, which made me laugh too much.

Allah did not forbid laughing. Radical Muslims who think angels are afraid of dogs did that, and if dogs scare them, wait till they get a load of me.

All radical Muslim violence has one thing in common; Sharia Law. And the foundation of Sharia law is Hadith. When Muslims start to populate a large area, they want Sharia Law and that will include Sharia courts.

They don’t want to actually use Sharia courts, especially the Muslim women, but they want them as a trophy to say; we won.

Sharia does not allow Muslims to use your courts- unless they can trick the Infidel under the guise of Political Correctness…which I’m going to toss under the camel. What you don’t know can hurt you. So maybe you should be asking the right questions.

Sharia is also the main cause of Fatwa-itis (fear of Fatwa--yes I made that word up) Radicals who think Allah is ignoring them use fatwa’s to feel potent because Sharia actually castrates the men...I blogged about it, just hit search.

As much of Sharia is manmade and contradicts the Quran, Sharia should be last thing any Muslim would want. Hell, even the dwellers of the hellfire don’t want Sharia!

The Quran says that of all the evils that Muslim men can do, the worst evil is to make humans partners with Allah. It’s called, Shirk. And Allah hates Shirk. Sharia law is Shirk. And those who enforce it are shirking. They do not believe that Allah knows best and they certainly don’t believe the Quran is complete. But they do believe in me.

Infidels are often accused of taking the Quran out of context. Why don’t they get upset when radical Muslims do the same? Allah doth not like-ith the Hypocrites, says that in the Quran.

As Sharia starts with Hadith, you need to read some Hadith. You might as well find out why it is important to know which foot to use as you enter a toilet. The Jinn are watching, and waiting.

Hadith are believed by nearly all of the 1.4 billion Muslims worldwide.

Crap, how much fruit do they think I have?

Hadith are stories of how Muhammad lived his life and how he received his revelations, all told by the people who knew him best, his companions. The real lesson of Hadith, choose your friends carefully, who knows what they’ll write when you’re dead.

Hadith unveils the mystery of why Muslim men should never cover their ankles. Hadith are the foundation of Islam.

And here is how it all started….

Narrated Abu Huraira:
I said, "O Allah's Apostle! I hear many Hadith (stories of Muhammad) from you but I forget them." He said, "Spread your covering sheet." I spread my sheet and he moved both his hands as if scooping something and emptied them in the sheet and said, "Wrap it." I wrapped it round my body, and since then I have never forgotten a single Hadith’
From this point on anything that Muhammad said or did was memorized or written down…or wrapped up in a sheetBut even back then hadith pissed people off.

Ibn Asakir;
Caliph Umar rebuked and then lashed Abu Huraira, and forbade him to narrate Hadith from the Holy Prophet. Umar said: "Because you narrate Hadith in large numbers from the Holy Prophet, you are fit only for attributing lies to him. That is what one expects a wicked man like you to utter only lies about the Holy Prophet. So you must stop narrating Hadith from the Prophet; otherwise, I will send you to the land of Dus." (A clan in Yemen, to which Abu Huraira belonged).

Abu Huraira defended himself saying that, I was a poor man serving Allah’s Prophet, just to be fed in return.
Umar was jealous of Abu Huraira because he spent so much time following Muhammad. But you have to wonder, was it food for thought or food for Hadith?
And we still have problems with Yemen…and with the Hadith of Abu Huraira.

Imam Abu Hanifa said;
The companions of the Prophet were generally pious and just. I accept every Hadith with evidence narrated by them, but I do not accept the Hadith whose source is Abu Huraira, Anas Ibn Malik, or Samra Bin Jundab."
Hanifa was born 67 years after Muhammad was killed, so he never met Muhammad. Hanifa was born in Iraq. Muhammad was not fond of Iraq.

Narrated Yusair bin 'Amr;
I asked Sahl bin Hunaif, "Did you hear the Prophet saying anything about Al-Khawarij?" He said, "I heard him saying while pointing his hand towards Iraq. "There will appear in it some people who will recite the Quran but it will not go beyond their throats, and they will leave Islam as an arrow darts through the game's body.
Interesting statement for these times, too.

This last Hadith would probably have been the most important of all the Hadith, had it been written...

Narrated Ibn 'Abbas;
When Allah's Apostle was on his death-bed and in the house there were some people among whom was 'Umar bin Al-Khattab, the Prophet said, "Come, let me write for you a statement after which you will not go astray."

'Umar said, "The Prophet is seriously ill and you have the Qur'an; so the Book of Allah is enough for us."

The people present in the house differed and quarreled. Some said. "Go near so that the Prophet may write for you a statement after which you will not go astray," while the others said as Umar said.

When they caused a hue and cry before the Prophet, Allah's Apostle said,
"Go away!"

Ibn 'Abbas used to say, "It was very unfortunate that Allah's Apostle was prevented from writing that statement for them because of their disagreement and noise."
I think Muhammad was going to tell them not to kill each other after he's dead and drop the bad Hadith.

The Prophet said;
Follow me as long as I live. But I advise you to stick to the book of God after I have died. Consider the things it commands you as Halal (allowed) and the things it forbids you as Haram (forbidden).

This is a Hadith, one that most Muslims don’t believe and do not follow. It’s not the only Hadith that tells Muslims not to follow Hadith. And the Quran says;

31: 6: But, there are among men those who patronize ridiculous Hadith without knowledge thereby misleading men from the Path of Allah and throwing a butt of mockery on the Path: for such there will be a humiliating Penalty."

And that’s where I, the Az Zaqqum step in. To challenge the ridiculous Hadith ‘a butt of mockery’ and a humiliating penalty for those who follow them’.

The Quran says. “We did not leave anything out of this book." (6:38)

60:7 It may be that Allah will grant love and friendship between you and those whom ye now hold as enemies. For Allah has power over all things; And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful
How often do you hear this verse?

17:60 And it was a warning when We told thee: Lo! thy Lord encompasseth mankind, and We appointed the vision which We showed thee as an ordeal for mankind, and the Accursed Tree in the Qur'an Az Zaqqum. We warn them, but it increaseth them in naught save gross impiety

37:62 Is that the better entertainment or the Tree of Zaqqum?

37;63 For We have truly made it as a trial for the wrongdoers.
37;64 For it is a tree that springs out of the bottom of Hell Fire:
44:43 Verily the tree of Zaqqum
44;44 Will be the food of the Sinful
44;45 Like molten brass; it will boil in their insides
44;46 Like the boiling of scalding water.
56;55 "Indeed ye shall drink like diseased camels raging with thirst!

And you thought I was kidding.

And the Words of Robert Crotch;

Oh to be a tree;
To feel my branches in the breeze,
To share my fruit with thee
And other lovely anomalies.

Oh to be a tree;
Our roots would intertwine,
Sharing joviality
As our fruits turn into wine.

Oh to be a tree;
Our skins as hard as steel,
Leaves all dancing merrily,
Like a golden catherine wheel.

Oh to be a tree,
In a forest of just two,
I'd be such a lonely tree,
If not for friends like you.

I am the Az Zaqqum Islamic Scholar for the Infidel.
I am an ordeal.  I am Female.
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