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Friday's Freaky Fatwa-- --Holy Crap

A Muslim asks a scholar

Are we alone when in the bathroom? Can there be Jinn in with us? If so, what steps do we need to take to protect our modesty?

And the scholar replies
Praise be to Allah.
It is known that the jinn can see people, but people cannot see the jinn.
Becausethey like to frequent the places where humans relieve themselves, and they want to do them harm.

The Prophet has told us what we should do so that Allaah will protect us from the evil when we enter the toilet. That is that before entering the place, the Muslim should say, O Allaah, I seek refuge with You from evil and from the male and female devils.” If the Muslim says this du’aa’ before entering the toilet, Allah will grant him refuge from the devils. The benefit of saying Bismillaah is that it conceals a person.

The Messenger of Allah said: “A screen will be placed between the eyes of the jinn and the ‘awrah of the sons of Adam when one of them enters the toilet, if he says that it includes the “water closets” that are in people’s houses.

Good ways and bad ways of using the toilet.

It is good if a person sits at a place where no one would see him, and enters the toilet with his left foot forward, and comes out with his right foot. It is also good to cover one's head, and to place one's weight on the left foot.

It is bad to face the sun, or the moon, while relieving oneself. But if a person manages to cover his private parts, it will not be bad.

It is also bad to sit facing the wind; or on the road side, or in lanes, or in front of a doors of a house or under the shade of the fruit-yielding tree.

It is also bad to eat while relieving oneself, or take longer than usual time, or to wash oneself with the right hand. Talking is also bad unless necessary. To utter words remembering Allah is not bad.
Like, thanks for the poo?

It is bad to urinate while standing, or on hard earth, or in the burrows of the animals, or in stationery water.
Squat over mud and look out for animals. Got it.

If a person sits in the toilet with the front part of his body or the back facing the Qibla, (Mecca) but turns the private parts away from that direction, it will not be enough. Similarly, when the front part of the body or the back does not face Qibla, as a precaution, he should not allow the private parts to face that direction.
Better bring a compass.

The recommended precaution is that one should not face the Qibla (Mecca) or have one's back towards it at the time of Istibra, (urinating) or when cleaning yourself after using the toilet.

Afterwards. the area between the anus and the root of penis should be pressed three times with the middle finger of the left hand. Put the thumb on the penis, and the forefinger below it and press three times up to the point of circumcision, then jerk your penis three times.
Damn! Who knew going to the bathroom was so complicated?

If you are forced to sit facing the Qibla, or with his back towards it, so as to avoid somebody looking at him, or if it is not possible to do so, or when there is an unavoidable reason for sitting that way, it is permissible to do so.
Don't ask, don't tell

It is mentioned in a Hadith that Muhammad said, ‘The barrier between humans and Jinns is when one intends entering the bathroom, he should recite ‘Allaahumma inniy a’oodhu bika minal khubuth wal khabaaith.’
If you read this du’aa before entering the bathroom, then you do not have to worry about the presence of Jinns.

Enter with your left foot and say; O Allah, I seek Your Protection from the male and female devilWhen you leave, use your right foot and say; I Seek Your Pardon. Praise be to Allah who removed from me discomfort and gave me relief.
This is not a joke

It is bad to suppress or constrain one's urge for urine or excretion, and if it is injurious to one's health, it becomes forbidden.
So, just let it go. Allah Akbar!

These are just a few, lots more toilet issues in my Ebook :D

A Muslim asks a scholar
What is the proper conduct for a widow? What are the things that a woman should not do during the mourning period?

And the scholar replies

Praise be to Allaah.

It is forbidden for a woman at the time of mourning to do the following:
To go out of her house, except for a necessary purpose, such as if she is sick and needs to go to the hospital, in which case she should go during the day;
or in the case of emergencies such as if her house is about to fall down and there is the fear that it may collapse on top of her; or in the case of fire; and so on.
Quit laughing...there's more

She should not wear beautiful clothes that are considered to be adornments. She should not wear any jewellery, because if she is forbidden to wear beautiful clothes, it is more appropriate that jewellery should not be allowed.
Get your ugly on with a dirty burqa

She should not put on kohl (eyeliner). If she needs to use it, she should use the kind of kohl whose colour is not obvious, putting it on at night and removing it during the day.
Put your make up on before you go to bed. Of course that makes sense.

It is permissible to go out onto the roof of the house during the night and during the day.
...then jump off.
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