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Fridays Freaky Fatwa--Because Allah said so

I am issuing a fatwa to all Muslims who call Allah a liar. The Quran is clear, Israel belongs to the Jews. As an Islamic scholar I have had to debate the foolish unbelieving Muslims who hate Israel for no reason other than bad Hadith… and not being able to read the Quran in Arabic. You need to get over your bad Hadith and start treating your elder Israelis with the same respect that Allah has for them.

This week you were conspiring-- to cause mischief -- both of which are forbidden by Allah. You were not fighting in the way of Allah; you were fighting with the believers, the Jews. And whosoever of you does that, then indeed he has gone astray from the straight path. 60:1
And whoever does that, will never be helped by Allah in any way
O you who believe! Take not for friends disbelievers instead of believers. Do you wish to offer Allah a manifest proof against yourselves 4:144

O Muslims, did you not learn anything from the 6 day war?

You can pretend the land was stolen from the Palestinians but who owned your land a thousand years ago? Land is often lost through war. If the believers didn’t help the Muslims of Kuwait, it would have been conquered by the unbelievers and they would have lost their land.

You can pretend the land was given to the Jews illegally by the U.N. but nothing happens without Allah’s will. And Allah is upset that you treat your elder Israeli believers without charity and good will. Allah is also upset that the Islamic countries surrounding Palestine will not take the Palestinians into their countries. They prefer that the Palestinians die.

O Believers and Infidels, it will be up to you to tell the unbelieving Muslims about the will of Allah. You can start with the following…

3:78 There is among them a section who distort the Book with their tongues: you would think it is a part of the Book, but it is no part of the Book; and they say, "That is from Allah," but it is not from Allah. It is they who tell a lie against Allah, and they know it!
Denying that Allah gave the land to the Jews not only distorts the book but they tell a lie against Allah.

7:137 And We caused the folk who were devised to inherit the eastern parts of the land and the western parts thereof which We had blessed. And the fair word of the Lord was fulfilled for the Children of Israel because of their endurance; and We annihilated all that Pharaoh and his folk had done and that they had contrived.
Allah knew of the Pharaoh, but never heard of a Palestinian. But the land was given to the Jews. No land was ever given to Muslims.

2:122 O Children of Israel! call to mind the special favour which I bestowed upon you, and that I preferred you to all others for My Message.

2:40 O Children of Israel! Remember My favor where with I favored you, and fulfill your part of the covenant, I shall fulfill My part of the covenant and fear Me

2.47 Children of Israel! call to mind the special favour which I bestowed upon you, and that I preferred you to all other for My Message.

Yes, it is redundant, but they still don't get it

2:62 Those who believe (in the Qur'an), and those who follow the Jewish scriptures, and the Christians and the Sabaeans,- any who believe in Allah and the Last Day, and work righteousness, shall have their reward with their Lord; on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve
Allah is the Arabic word for God. I don’t know who the Sabaeans are, so far, none of them are in the hellfire. The Jews believe in one G-d. They are believers. They have shown no fear.

35:18 And no burdened soul can bear another's burden, and if one heavy laden crieth for help with his load, naught of it will be lifted even though he unto whom he crieth be of kin. Thou warnest only those who fear their Lord in secret, and have established worship. He who groweth in goodness, groweth only for himself, he cannot by his merit redeem others. Unto Allah is the journeying
This message is clear. Disbelieving Muslims in Turkey, France, America or anywhere else, need to stop making Palestine a religious justification for violence or mischief. It’s not your burden to feel their pain; it is your job to tell them the truth. Live in peace with the Jews. This is Allah’s will.

It's Friday. You have to laugh on Fridays.

A Muslims asks a scholar

Can a woman go to the mosque?

And the scholar answers;

It is better that she pray at home but it is not forbidden for her to go to a mosque.

Abu Huraira said the prophet said: “Do not prevent the female servants of Allah from going to the mosques of Allah, but let them go out looking scruffy.”

That cracked me up. Sorry, you can’t go out, you’re not scruffy enough… put some dirt on that burka.
And I’m thinking that Muhammad might not have fed Abu that day.
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