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My conversations with Allah. Part 2. Allah takes it to the Hood

During my last conversation with Allah I asked if Muslims should follow the messenger or the message.

Allah was very clear – follow the message and I was impressed that Allah only used the Quran to answer my questions.

But I still have doubts. Most Muslims know more about Hadith, Sharia and fatwas than they know of the Quran.

As Allah already knows, I am an ordeal. So I thought I should ask a few follow up questions. Here is how our second conversation went….

Allah I read a lot of fatwas that come out of the Muslim countries of the Arabian deserts. They hardly ever base their advice on the Quran, and if they do, they only use part of an aya (verse) and then twist it to mean something completely different. But mostly they base their advice on Hadith. So I ask you Allah, what’s up with these guys? And btw, most of them wear dresses. What’s up with that?

And Allah replied

9:97 The Arabs of the desert are the worst in Unbelief and hypocrisy, and most fitted to be in ignorance of the command which Allah hath sent down to His Messenger. But Allah is All-knowing, All-Wise.

I knew if the message wasn’t in Arabic they wouldn’t understand it

41:44 Had We sent this as a Qur'an in the language other than Arabic, they would have said: "Why are not its verses explained in detail? What! A Book not in Arabic and a Messenger an Arab?"

26:198 And if We had revealed it unto one of any other nation than the Arabs

19:97 So have We made the Qur'an easy in thine own tongue, that with it thou mayest give Glad Tidings to the righteous, and warnings to people given to contention

44:58 Verily, We have made this Qur'an easy, in thy tongue, in order that they may give heed

And I told them repeatedly that the Quran is simple and easy to understand and remember..

54:17 And We have indeed made the Qur'an easy to understand and remember: then is there any that will receive admonition

54:22 But We have indeed made the Qur'an easy to understand and remember: then is there any that will receive admonition?

54:32 And We have indeed made the Qur'an easy to understand and remember: then is there any that will receive admonition?

54:40 And We have indeed made the Qur'an easy to understand and remember: then is there any that will receive admonition?

Could I have made that any clearer?

87:8 And We will make it easy for thee (to follow) the simple Path.

I have told them the Quran is complete

15:1 These are the Ayats of Revelation, of a Qur'an that makes things clear.

I have told them not to follow Hadith

31:6: But, there are among men those who patronize ridiculous Hadith without knowledge thereby misleading men from the Path of Allah and throwing a butt of mockery on the Path: for such there will be a humiliating Penalty."

I have told them not to put one messenger above any other of my messengers.

2:285 The messenger believeth in that which hath been revealed unto him from his Lord and (so do) the believers. Each one believeth in Allah and His angels and His scriptures and His messengers--We make no distinction between any of His messengers--and they say: We hear, and we obey. (Grant us) Thy forgiveness, our Lord. Unto Thee is the journeying.

And I have told them that Muhammad was only the messenger and that the message is the Quran

64:12 obey Allah and obey His messenger; but if ye turn away, then the duty of Our messenger is only to convey the message plainly.

So what do you want from me?

Gee Allah, Adam Lambert asked the same question in a song. Not sure if he got an answer, either.

But here’s what I’m thinking Allah, could you drop the old Victorian English? You know, leave out the thees and the thous and just spit it out in today’s English? I get a lot of visitors from Islamabad and Saudi Arabia and I don’t think they understand Old English and I’m betting that most of them haven’t heard any of this.

And Allah said; Of course. I am the almighty, all knowing, all forgiving, most merciful and 95 other names of high praise and intelligence.

Which made me say….yeah, and I can curse the cursed so can we just get on with it, please?

Things got very quiet. For a moment I though Allah was going to pull a Joy Behar to O’Reilly and split, but then… Allah spoke…

Yo dawgs, word. Just because a dude drops you the 411 doesn’t mean you follow the dude to his crib and imitate everything he does or says, because that would be totally insane. Are you totally insane?

The message is always more important than the messenger. What if a messenger showed up without a message? Would you still follow him?

What if the messenger was the best of men and was handpicked by owners of his company because of his exceptional character? Would you copy his hair style or how he ate, or how he went to the toilet?  Get real!

Would you forget all about the message and just imitate the messenger? Are you that doped up?

Do a solid, follow the message. I put sweat into it. It’s my word. It’s tight. Don’t be disrespecting my Godly ass. And aaa, Ima getting pissed at how often homies take a few words of a sentence about wars of dead bro’s from back in the day and making my message sound like really bad gangsta rap. Fed up with all this out of context shit, ah-ight?

Hey Allah, I said, that was smooth! Except for the ‘yo dawg’ thing. That was a bit over the top.

And Allah replied;

Indeed you really are all things disagreeable.

The Tree of Zaqqum, a bitter and pungent tree described as growing at the bottom of Hell, a type of all that is disagreeable 37:62 to 37;64

Aw thanks Allah, just part of my charm. Compliments aside, what do you think of this fatwa?

A Muslim asks a scholar

Are you allowed to swallow your blood. I have read some fatwas that during Ramadan you are not allowed, but outside of Ramadan. For example if you get a paper cut or something, or a ripped lip?

And the scholar replies…

Praise be to Allaah.

It is not permissible for the Muslim to swallow blood, whether it is a little or a lot, in Ramadan or at other times, because blood is haraam, unless it is swallowed by mistake or involuntarily, in which case there is nothing wrong with it. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

2:173 He hath only forbidden you dead meat, and blood, and the flesh of swine, and that on which any other name hath been invoked besides that of Allah. But if one is forced by necessity, without wilful disobedience, nor transgressing due limits,- then is he guiltless. For Allah is Oft-forgiving Most Merciful.

And Allah said

Well Az, I see what you mean about using only part of an aya and twisting into meaning something completely different.

To make it clear, what I meant by blood was…don’t act like you’re on "True Blood". I did not make you into vampires or blood suckers.
The Jinn did that.

As far as that scholar and anyone who agrees with him, they will share in consequences of helping the spread of evil.

4:85 Whoever recommends and helps a good cause becomes a partner therein: And whoever recommends and helps an evil cause, shares in its burden: And Allah hath power over all things.

In simple terms if you get a paper cut, get a band aid. And if you’re getting ripped lips, shut up more often. Simple. Are we done?

Uh…what about the guys wearing dresses??



And that concluded our conversation for the night. We’re going to hook up again soon.

Until then, pray often, give in charity and be kind to one another….and use your Allah given brain.

Adam Lambert    "Whataya want from me?"

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